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Thứ Hai, 23 tháng 1, 2017

An Irish guy, a Mexican guy, and a blond guy

An Irish guy, a Mexican guy, and a blond guy are building a skyscraper. The lunch whistle blows and they all open up their lunchboxes and look at the contents in dismay.

The Irish guy says, "Potatoes again? If I have potatoes one more time, I'm gonna throw myself off the building!"

The Mexican guy says, "Tacos again? If I have tacos one more time, I'm gonna throw myself off the building!"

The blond guy says, "Peanut butter and jelly again? If I have PBJ one more time, I'm gonna throw myself off the building!"

The next day, the Irish guy has potatoes, the Mexican guy has tacos, and the blond guy has PBJ, and they all jump to their deaths.

At the company memorial service, the Irish guy's widow wails, "If only he told me he was tired of potatoes I'd have made him something else!"

The Mexican guy's widow cries, ""If only he told me he was tired of tacos I'd have made him something else!"

The blond guy's widow says, "Don't look at me. He packed his own lunch."

How to fall down stairs

  • Step 1
  • Step 2
  • Step 4
  • Step 15

My dad told me I should fuck both of you.

Dad and Son are in the living room when dad feet's get cold. "Get my slippers from upstairs" He says.

While upstairs he sees two of his sisters friends so he goes up to both of them, "My Dad told me to come up here and fuck both of you".

"You're lying" they retort.

Okay, I'll prove it then, "Dad, did you say both of them?"

"what's the point of fucking one".

Why do black people always have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

It turns out vaccines cause cancer.

You'll actually live long enough to get it.

Son: "I got expelled"

Dad: "How?"

Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."

Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"

Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."

Dad: "Ok?"

Son: "And rub 1 out."

I am thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator

I wonder how many people are in that field