I can't stand those stupid people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn".

Stupid firemen.

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I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday...

But all the little shit did was sit in his wheelchair and cry.

PS:Not sure if this one has been on here before or not, a friend told it to me and I thought it should go here.

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

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It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones.

Well, they’re going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.

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What do you call a Communist sniper?

A Marxman

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Argon walks into a bar.

The bartender says "we don't serve noble gases here." Argon doesn't react.

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These Bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon

Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.

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