FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there." Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found. The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the man said to his wife,
"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," she snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.
He waddles his way into the room before he manages to climb up onto the examination table. The room falls silent while the doctor reads through his file.
"So we did your blood work and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this...but you have a pretty bad weight problem."
The man sitting on the examination table looks at him with a face of confusion as silence fills the room. He finally answers "...you realize I know that, right? I've been overweight for years. You aren't telling me anything that I don't already know."
The doctor tosses the man's file onto his desk before cupping his hands over his mouth in momentary thought. "You don't seem to understand the weight of your situation so let me attempt to break this down for you. I have been in practice for almost 15 years and you are literally the fattest man who has ever walked into this office. You aren't just fat, you are at a level of obesity that I personally didn't even think was medically possible. The fact that you were able to walk into this office on your own strength alone is a miracle that would make Jesus Christ ask How'd he do that? and that guy walked on water.
When we did your blood work, your blood sugar level was at 500 which effectively makes you a brand of coffee sweetener. I couldn't even take your blood pressure with a normal pressure cuff because of how fat your arms are. I had to jerry-rig a cuff out of the spare tire of my Ford F150. Your cholesterol level came back as Land-O-Lakes. My goal is to try and get that to "I can't believe it's not butter" but even that's a long shot. Your blood was so thick and meaty that we received a call from the blood center asking us why we decided to send them a tube of Ragu to analyze. Are you following me on this or do you need me to give you some more examples?"
The room goes quiet again as the severely obese man stares at the doctor with a face that is beat red from anger.
"You know what? I didn't come in here to be insulted. I came here to get my medical results from someone who I thought was supposed to be helping me. You may think that you're trying to help me but what exactly are you accomplishing by being such a scumbag about it?"
The doctor goes silent for a moment before finally responding.
"I was gonna sugar coat it but I was concerned you might eat me."
Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"
Everyone dies