God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."
Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and Satan will sit down at their desktops and pound out as much perfectly-formatted HTML as they possibly can. The contest is officially scheduled for Easter Sunday, and news spreads far and wide.
Easter Sunday rolls around. People from all over flock to Heaven to witness the contest. It is broadcasted live on several news stations, and is even live-tweeted by some representatives from Google. At exactly 8:59 AM, Satan and Jesus both sit down at two computers, facing each other. They log in and open up their scripting program. At 9 AM, Archangel Michael drops a flag and the race begins.
One hour, and several cups of coffee, pass. Both Satan and Jesus are going strong. Satan is adamant that he will beat Jesus and get back into Heaven, while Jesus just really enjoys coding (it's a hobby of his). The official line count is read off every hour, and at 10 AM, Satan is slightly ahead.
By 11 AM, Jesus has caught up to Satan, because Satan found an error and had to rewrite several pages of code. He is slightly annoyed, but still determined to beat Jesus.
By noon, Satan and Jesus have caught up again, as Jesus decided to reformat a large section of his work to make it more streamlined and perfectly formatted, as per the contest rules. Satan is starting to get cocky, showing off to the crowd by typing with his barbed tail, typing with his eyes shut, typing with his trident, et cetera. The crowd oohs and ahhs appropriately.
At 1 PM, they both stop for some lunch. Satan decides to trick Jesus into taking a longer lunch break, so he gives Jesus five loaves of bread and three fishes. Jesus breaks off pieces to feed himself, but simply cannot finish his meal. With Satan getting ahead of him, he passes off the meal to the group of 5,000 men gathered around him. They are all fed, with leftovers. Jesus continues programming.
By 2 PM, both Satan and Jesus are getting rather dehydrated, so they stop for a water break. To get even for the loaves and fishes trick earlier, Jesus pours Satan some water, but secretly turns it into wine. If Satan is drunk, his coding can't be perfectly formatted.
2:59 rolls around. Satan has typed 5,638 lines of code, while Jesus has only typed 5,277. The crowd is tense as they race towards the finish line. Suddenly, God steps in, pulls the plugs on both computers, and loudly announces "JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH WINS! SATAN WILL NOT RE-ENTER HEAVEN!"
Satan is furious. "How can this be?" He asks. "I had far more lines of code than Jesus! My code was perfectly formatted, too!"
Jesus taunts Satan. "Well I don't see your code, Satan. It must have been lost when the computers were shut off."
"Your computer was shut off, too!" Satan retorts. "I guess neither of us win!"
God, rather proud of his son at this point, walks over and turns back on both computers. Predictably, Satan's coding cannot be found, but when Jesus's computer is booted back up, his program is right there on the desktop. God opens it, and it runs like a charm.
"How can this be?" Satan snarls. "I finished more coding! It should be there! I should've won this!"
"Satan, my friend," God says, "You have made a grave mistake. See, you may code faster, and perhaps even better than my son, but Jesus...
Jesus saves."
