I love abortions

They really bring out the kid in you

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On Friday, an elementary school teacher poses her students a challenge...

"If you can tell me who said the following quote, they don't have to come to school on Monday: 'We have nothing to fear, but fear itself'"
A hand shoots up and little Billy Tran says "Franklin Delano Roosevelt".
"Correct, Billy. You can have next Monday off" the teacher replies.
"I'm Vietnamese, we value education I'll be here Monday".
"Ok" says the teacher "Lets try another one: 'Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.'"
This time the hand of little Susie Hou rises.
"Abraham Lincoln"
"Correct Susie." the teacher asserts "Enjoy your day off"
Susie says "Oh no ma'am. I'm Chinese, we also value education I'll be here early on Monday morning".
"Fucking immigrants!" a voice says from the back.
"Who said that?!" the teacher snaps.
"Donald Trump..." says little Johnny "...I'll see ya Tuesday"

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Just asked Siri.

"Surely it's not going to rain today?" She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley" ...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

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In what state are most cows found in?

Solid

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Putin nowadays be like: all I want is peace.

A piece of Ukraine.

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I told myself I should stop drinking...

But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

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Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

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