In what state are most cows found in?

Solid

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Putin nowadays be like: all I want is peace.

A piece of Ukraine.

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I told myself I should stop drinking...

But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

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Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

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A lady walks down the street with her breast naked

Someone tells her:

"Excuse me, Ms. You shouldn't walk like this with your breast out"

She looks at him. Looks at her breast. Turns back and runs away yelling:

"Fuck! I left my baby in the bus!"

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There's a term for Presidents like Trump.

Probably not two terms, though...

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How do you cut the Roman Empire in half?

With a pair of Caesars!

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