My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up, I got her an identical one. She was livid.

"What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

(Gary Delaney)

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Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy.

But he really saved the History channel.

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I think I've been hacked by Russia.

Edit: I not hacked by Russia. The motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

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How do one-handed people put on gloves?

They don't, they put on glove.

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What do a pregnant teen and her baby have in common?

Both of their moms are gonna kill 'em

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The alt-right can't be nazis

Their grammar is terrible!

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TIL America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald's combined.

Starbucks and McDonald's have a combined total of 0 museums.

Edit: McDonald's and Starbucks have a combined total of a couple museums.

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