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Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 2, 2017

A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller gets through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls they get another man,

"And what's your word sir?"

"Smee!"

"Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Aye! S'mee again! Go'an fuck yerself!"

I was talking to a friend's little girl...

I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her,

'If you were to be the President, what's the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that.

You can come over to my house and mow the grass, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.'

She thought that over for a few seconds, 'cause she's only 6.

And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party.'

EDIT: Thanks /u/Adnan_Targaryen for the suggestion to remove the last line!

I thought my son would like that I bought him a trampoline, but oh no.

He just wants to sit and cry in his wheelchair.

Why you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password..

Because is not stroganoff

I hear Kim Jung-Un has read every book ever written...

That's why they call him the Supreme Reader.

I accidently bought a fleshlight instead of a flashlight.

When the power went out I was screwed.

Fifty Shades got $47 Million at the box office...

There seems to be a lot of women who don't get offended by a billionaire grabbing a girl by the pussy.