I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

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What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

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Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the fuck out of the dogs.

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A photon is going through airport security.

The TSA asks if he has any luggage. The photon says "No, I'm traveling light."

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I think my family is racist...

when I brought my black girlfriend home to meet them, my wife and daughter wouldn't even talk to her!

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To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket:

You can hide, but you can't run.

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How can you tell if someone was in the military?

Give them 5 minutes and they'll tell you themselves.

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