Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.

Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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Why do some couples not go to the gym?

Some relationships don't work out...

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What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself?

Your ear listening for foot steps.

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Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your sister

It tastes the same but it's just not right.

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I told my dad to embrace his mistakes...

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.

He cried.

Then he hugged me and my brother.

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I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?!

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I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish

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