I was like, 0mg
Thứ Ba, 7 tháng 3, 2017
A koala was getting stoned on a tree
When suddenly a small lizard appears and asks "hey man! What are you doing?" "I'm getting stoned!" Replies the koala. "Wanna join?" So the lizard climbs up the tree and smokes with the koala. Suddenly, he feels very thirsty so he tells the koala he's going down to the river to drink and that he will be back in a second, but he is so stoned he falls in to the river he's drinking from! A crocodile notices and asks "hey what are you doing!" "I'm sorry" said the lizard timidly "I'm too high to keep balance!" "Who gave you the drugs?" Asked the crocodile "The koala on the tree." The crocodile makes his way towards the tree, angered that drugs are being used. He sees the koala smoking away and sternly asks "Hey you! What do you think you're doing?" The koala stares at the large crocodile confused and finally replies. "Holy shit dude.... How much water did you drink?"
"Rabbi, why are the Jews so hated?"
At a meeting in a synagogue, a young Jew asked the wise old Rabbi: "Rabbi, why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi thinks for a while and says "That is an interesting question. We will all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka! Each one of you shall bring a bottle of fine vodka, so we can mix it all up in a big pot and drink, discuss, and then the answer will be clear."
The young Jew went home and thought to himself "if everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, I'll just bring a bottle of water and no one will be the wiser." Next day the young Jew showed up with a vodka bottle filled with water, anxious to see what answer the Rabbi would provide to his question. The Rabbi started to pour all the vodka together in one pot and began stirring it. The young Jew got impatient - "Please, Rabbi! What is the answer to my question? Why do people hate us so much?" The Rabbi then filled a cup, gave it to the young Jew and said "Drink this now!" The young Jew drank the cup and said "But this is just water!" And the Rabbi said "and that is why the people hate us"
A man dies and goes to heaven.
Once he goes through the pearly gates, he sees a wall of very large clocks.
He asks a nearby angel, "What are all these clocks for?"
The angel responds, "These are lie clocks. Every person on earth has one. Every time they lie, their clock ticks."
The man asks, "Where's my clock?"
The angel points to it and says, "A few hours have passed--it looks like you lied some, but obviously not enough to disqualify you from being here."
The man then points towards another clock and asks, "Whose clock is this?"
The angel replies, "This clock belongs to Mother Teresa. It has never moved because she has never told a lie."
The man then asks, "Where's Donald Trump's clock?"
The angel says, "Oh, I use that one in my room as a ceiling fan."
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)