My dentist asked me the last time I flossed

I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."

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Dad: I gave all your toys to the orphanage

Kid: Why did you do that dad?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

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How does Bruce Jenner like his penis?

[removed]

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My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.

"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.

"Does it hurt?" she asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."

"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.

"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.

"But don't they just fall off?"

"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

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I once met a girl with 12 breasts

Sounds weird dozen tit

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Men do not jerk off because it is easy,

but because it is hard.

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What's the best thing about duct tape?

...it turns "no no no" into "mmm mmm mmm"

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