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Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 3, 2017
Mahatma Gandhi's sass
When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected…. there were always “arguments” and confrontations.
One day, Mr Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.” Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.
Mr Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.”
Mr Peters, smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”
Mr Peters, by this time, was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.
A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”
The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?"
So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight."
The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."
[NSFW]A guy walks into the restroom at a bar...
A guy walks into the restroom at a bar and sees a midget at one of the urinals. He walks over to the other one and starts to take a leak. Out of curiosity, he looks to the side and sees the midget has the biggest dick he's ever seen. After a couple moments of shock, he says, "Hey, uh... I'm not gay or anything, but I couldn't help but notice, well, uh... How'd a little guy like you end with such a huge cock?" The midget answers in an Irish accent, "It's because I'm a leprechaun. I wished it upon meself." "Well, would you be able to give me one, too?" asks the guy. "Sure!" says the leprechaun. "But, it will cost you." "How much?" asks the guy. "I'm a leprechaun with a pot of gold... What would I need your money for? No, you have to let me shag you up the ass!" The guy thinks about it for a few moments. "Well, for a dick that big, I could take it once, I guess." The leprechaun has the guy drop his pants and get down on all fours. He comes up behind him, slowly pushes it in, and starts to pump. "So, what's your name?" he asks the guy. "B-B-B-Bob!" he stammers. "And... How old are ya, Bobby?" "Twenty-seven!" "Now, ain't that a wee bit old to be believin' in leprechauns?"
A blonde and a redhead
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
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