It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs

Because they're always taking things literally....

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I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet...

It reminds me of why there is no fucking money in there....

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Why is it that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he is a player...

But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys i'm not one of them?...

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Choose a new password :

potato Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters. boiled potato Sorry, password must contain at least one number. 1 boiled potato Sorry, password cannot contain spaces 50fuckingboiledpotatoes Sorry, password must contain capital letters. 50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes Sorry, capital letters must not be consecutive. IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry, password must not contain punctuation. NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately Sorry,...

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So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay

I'm worried I'm secretly a giant spider....

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"Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?" "Absolutely."...

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Meet The Man Whose Site Mark Zuckerberg Reads Every Day

Meet The Man Whose Site Mark Zuckerberg Reads Every Day For the last decade, Gabe Rivera has been quietly shaping the tech industry’s story for its top executives, investors, and journalists. But is the editor behind Silicon Valley’s Drudge Report ready to reckon with his influence? March 20, 2017 at 10:04PM via Digg http://ift.tt/2nsgm...

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