Funny Story

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Thứ Sáu, 24 tháng 3, 2017

Two hunters were walking around in the woods around twilight

One of them grabs the other and pulls him back from a 6-foot diameter, perfectly smooth hole.

"You saved my life" says the hunter. "I wonder how far down that hole goes..."

So they find an old anvil and throw it in the hole. As they're listening for the anvil to hit, a goat comes running up behind them, about 20 miles per hour, and dives into the hole.

A farmer comes along and asks the hunters if they've seen a goat. One responds "We're so sorry, we saw your goat run up behind us and he dove into this hole."

The farmer responds "That's impossible, I had him chained to an anvil."

Why did the semen cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong socks today.

Told my girlfriend I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck this early in the morning!

*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophey!

3 blondes walk into a police station...

And we're looking for jobs as detectives.

They meet with the police chief who says, "I'm going to show you a side mugshot of a man and you need to tell me something interesting about him."

He shows the picture to the first blonde and she says, "He's only got one eye". The police chief responds, "No, this is a side mug shot, so you will only see one eye."

He shows the picture to the second blonde and she says, "He's only got one ear." The police chief again responds, "No, this is a side mug shot, so you will only see one ear."

He shows the picture to the last blonde and she says "He wears contact lenses." Perplexed, the police chief looks through the file and sure enough, the man wore contact lenses. He says "That's oddly correct. How did you know that?"

The blonde responds, "Well with one eye and one ear, he can't be wearing glasses."

Thứ Năm, 23 tháng 3, 2017

Interesting facts about myself: (1) my penis is not as long as a footlong sub

(2) I'm banned from subway.