Aye matey
Thứ Hai, 3 tháng 4, 2017
Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.
Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know." The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in their parkas, mittens and hats. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?" Again, the guys reply, "Well, like we told you yesterday, we're from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We're just happy to warm up a little bit, you know." The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Michiganders reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Michigan, we've just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice." The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally, he comes up with an answer. These two love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. He decides to turn all the heat in hell off. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Michiganders. He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. "I don't understand. When I turn the heat up, you're happy. Now it's freezing cold, and you're happy. What is wrong with you two?" The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise. "Well, don't ya know - if hell froze over, that must mean. The Lions won the Super Bowl!"
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe...
I met a woman with 8 sons named Joe; I said, "They're all named Joe?" She said "Yeah it's great! When it's time for dinner I just have to yell "Joe! Dinner!" and they all come running. I said, "but what do you do if you just want one of them?" She said, "Oh then I just use their last name."
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem...
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun...
.... He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie."
An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want."
The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one yesterday and it was really pretty."
A soldier then walked to the King while everyone stared at him, and said: "Your majesty, I have a gun that shoots atomic bombs."
The King quickly said: "That's great, and by the way, good job on Hiroshima."
After hearing all that, the kingdom was discouraged to ask any further questions because it would simply end the same; the King can always find a way to dodge that lie.
Almost desperate, a young boy approached the King holding a barrel and loudly said: "I lent you a barrel of gold last week".
The King said: "That's a lie."
The boy replied: "Give me half of your fortune then!"
The King quickly said: "Wait, I remember, you did lend you me barrel of gold last week."
Smirking, the boy shouted: "Give it back to me then."
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