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Thứ Bảy, 8 tháng 4, 2017

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggling! if you let me film you for a minute and send it to my daughter, i'll let you go with a warning."

the juggler says, "officer, i don't have my equipment with me, i had to ship it seperately." the officer thinks for a minute, and brings back five flares from his car and lights them.

the juggler effortlessly starts to toss and catch the flaming flares and the officer is very impressed.

meanwhile, another man driving by pulls over and stops his car. he gets out, stumbles into the back seat of the police car, and closes the door. the officer slowly approaches, hand on his gun, and says "sir, i'm going to have to ask you to slowly step out of the vehicle."

the man looks at the cop and chuckles, his words slurred, "sorry officer but i ain't never gonna pass that new sobriety test you got there"

I married my wife for her looks.

Just not the ones she's been giving me lately.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously not 8, my basement is still dark.

USPS releases a stamp with Trump's picture

The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. But the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:
The stamp is in perfect order. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side.

A girl was found living among monkeys in an Indian forest. How she got there is a mystery.


A girl was found living among monkeys in an Indian forest. How she got there is a mystery.
Amid a troop of monkeys in the Katraniaghat forest range in northern India roamed a naked human girl, playing with the primates as if she were one of them.

April 7, 2017 at 11:57PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2o668bB

Everyone pees in the pool...

But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

My wife is so fat that when she booked a flight they made her have 2 seats.

She was pissed off until I mentioned that she would get 2 meals