Why wasn't Jesus born in America?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.

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A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O'Hare

A guy sitting at a bar in Chicago O'hare noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant.

But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to gain her attention, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta Slogan, "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, "Nope, not Delta."

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look.

He mentally kicked himself, and scratched American Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Southwest slogan, "Low fares, nothing to hide?"

This time the woman savagely turned on him, "What the fuck do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said.... "Ahhh, United Airlines!"

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Did you hear about the Doctor on the United Flight?

[removed]

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At the job interview

Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?

Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.

Me: Yay, I got a yob.

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My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian...

it's like I've never seen herbivore.

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What do penises and posts in r/jokes have in common?

They're both often mislabeled as "long"

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Kylo Ren: I've always hated being an only child

Han: You're not an only child. You're a Solo child.

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