Student: "Someone told me to go to hell."
Teacher: "Why did that make you late to class?"
Student: "I couldn't find it at first, but now here I am."
Thứ Sáu, 14 tháng 4, 2017
A kid gets in a taxi
The taxi driver tries to be funny and to ridicule the kid.
If your mom would be an idiot, what would you be?
An idiot, answers the kid.
The driver starts laughing
If your dad was a retard, what would you be?
A retard, answers the kid.
If your dad was a retard and your mom was an idiot, what would you be?
A taxi driver, answers the kid
"Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa ?"
"Because your mum loves easter and it's an anagram of easter !"
"Thanks dad !"
"No problem Alan"
A pirate joke
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"
"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."
"That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."
"Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?"
"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!"
"Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?"
"Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
Thứ Năm, 13 tháng 4, 2017
An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers but only 4 parachutes.
The pilot announced of the crash and immediately took his own parachute. The 1st passenger, the President, said ,"I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane. The 2nd passenger, a doctor, said,"I've got to get to the hospital. There are hundreds of lives waiting to be saved by me!" The 3rd passenger, the police, said "I've got to get to work too! The city's security depends on me". With that, he too, took a parachute.
The 4th passenger , the Pope , said to the 5th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said ," That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. They already threw the doctor out."
A pregnant woman from Virginia
was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"
The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."
"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"
The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."
"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."
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