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Thứ Sáu, 14 tháng 4, 2017

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but i know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies The cop says" You were doing a 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?" "We do now,Asshole!" shouts Schrodinger. The cop moves to arrest them.

Ohm resists.

King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?

Squire: 384 my liege

king: Ok, round them up

Squire: 400 my liege

I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…

They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…

So the US Military dropped a 22,000 lb bomb on ISIS today.

That moves Amy Shumer's special to the second spot for largest bomb for the year.

My son lost his first tooth today.

That will teach him to talk back...

''The Floor is lava''

~ Everyone, Pompeii, 79 A.D.

When is the bible accurate?

When thrown from close range