To them love means nothing.
Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 4, 2017
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island
The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.
Chủ Nhật, 16 tháng 4, 2017
A man owned a sentient calculator
He would show it to people all the time, and tell them about the sentient calculator. He'd ask a question, and the calculator would give the answer, and every time it was the correct one. At first, people were excited, and they would demand to know what the trick was. A lot of theories, ranging from voice recognition software to sleight of hand, were thrown around.
But time and time again, the man would insist that no, it was simply a sentient calculator.
Now, at first, the people simply figured that the man didn't want to reveal his trick and left it at that. But time passed, and throughout the years, the man would show his sentient calculator again and again, and even tried to get it submitted into a technology competition. The judges laughed it out, but the man kept on going on about his sentient calculator.
After a while, people began to think he was crazy. That didn't bother him any, since his family loved him and he had his sentient calculator.
His wife, who knew him best, simply thought that this was her beloved husbands one eccentricity, and paid it no mind. She was - like everybody - slightly concerned about how much attention the man gave to the calculator, but he loved their children and was a good father and a husband, so she let it go.
Then, one night when they were lying in bed together, the man began to talk seriously about how they needed to get the calculator wider recognition. After all, he said, a sentient calculator simply can't be left to rot in the suburbs!
At first, the wife ignored this, as she had everything else about the calculator, but night after night, when they were alone, and with every indication of seriousness, the man spoke about the calculator. For a couple of weeks, the wife tried her best to ignore the man. She figured this was some sort of long joke, and waited patiently for the punchline.
It never came. What did come was more and more talk about the calculator, until finally she'd had enough. In no uncertain terms, she told the man that if he did not stop talking about the calculator, she would go to the local hospital and book him an appointment with a psychiatrist.
The man wasn't deterred. He turned to his best friend, who likewise ignored him. He went to his parents, who likewise ignored him. He spoke to professors at the local university - they all ignored him. He tried every single public official, every scientific institute, even some pseudoscientific groups; all ignored him. He was feeling blue - after all, if he couldn't get people who believed in UFOs to listen to him, who would?
He returned home, only to find that his wife had taken the children and left. Furthermore, the note on the kitchen table said she'd called the police to force him to go to the psychiatrist - and as if on cue, he heard the sirens.
Acting quickly, he ran up to the bedroom and took his shotgun out of the gun safe. Then, he ran to barricade all the doors and windows, and took up position in the second floor. From there, he could see only one squad car - but as soon as they spotted the barricades and the man peering down with a shotgun, they quickly left to call backup.
Soon enough, what seemed to be the entirety of the city's police force was at his doorstep. The man pondered his options: if he were to run, they would catch him, and there was no way for him to fight them off. Sadly, he realized that this would be his last stand. He could not let them take the calculator away.
Tears in his eyes, he turned to his calculator, and asked:
"You are my only friend in this world, and I am sorry that I can not get you the recognition you deserve. It seems as if this is the end. The only thing I ask of you is this: will you stay with me, until the end?"
And the calculator replied:
"You can count on me."
An odd joke
Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never liked his odd name. He told her that, when he died, she should just put his birthday and date of death on the grave, without his name. Sure enough, several years later, Odd passed away. His wife did as he had requested, and buried him, putting only his birthday and date of death on the gravestone. But it was futile. To this day, people still walk by the grave and say:
"Isn't that Odd?"
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