The sock under my bed...
Chủ Nhật, 16 tháng 4, 2017
The greatest joke I ever heard. So there's this long line outside of St. Peter's gate...
St. Peter comes out and says "Alright everyone... We are pretty full in heaven right now, so we've decided that whoever can tell the best story of how they died, will get into heaven"
One man steps forward and says "I definitely have the best one..."
"I lived in an apartment complex, and I had been suspecting my wife had been cheating on me. So I came home early from work today, and found her naked in our bed. I searched the whole apartment trying to find a man, and found him hanging from the windowsill. I beat his hands with my fists but he wouldn't fall. Then I grabbed a brick from our closet and beat his hands until he did fall. Unfortunately he fell down onto the balcony below our apartment, so I grabbed our refrigerator and chucked it out the window, then had a heart attack and died"
"Not a bad story," St. Peter says. "I think you just might be the one who gets into heaven..."
"Not so fast," another man says. "I have a story that will beat that one out..."
"I worked as a window washer. And I was working on an apartment complex when my support collapsed. Luckily, I was able to grab on to a windowsill. Right when I was pulling myself up, a MANIAC came out of the window and started beating my fists. I held on tight and didn't fall. Then he found a brick somehow and hit my hands until I fell. Luckily, I landed on a balcony only a floor below. Just when I thought I was safe this REFRIGERATOR out of NOWHERE lands on top of me, and I die."
"Wow," St. Peter says, "I think you have the best story now. I don't know who can beat th-"
"Hold up a minute, I can beat that" says a third man outside the gate.
"So I'm hiding, naked, in this refrigerator...."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...
There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.
"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progressively funnier as you go higher with the funniest joke you've ever heard on the thousandth step. Should you laugh at any moment, you will instantly be sent to hell. Do you understand?"
The three girls nodded.
"Then let us begin," St. Peter said.
They each got on the first step and St. Peter proceeds to tell them the worst joke you've ever heard in the world. As expected, none of them laugh and they proceed to the next step.
At the 365th step, the redhead bursts into laughter and is instantly sent to hell. The blonde and the brunette soldier onward. Once they get to the 800th step, the brunette doubles over in laughter and is instantly sent to hell.
St. Peter continues with the jokes, trying his hardest to get the blonde to laugh but to no avail. When they arrive at the 1000th step, before he could even open his mouth, the blonde shrieks hysterically dying from laughter. She is instantly sent to hell.
Puzzled, St. Peter descends down to heaven to find the blonde. When he sees her he asks, "My child, you were doing so well. How come you started laughing? I have not even begun to tell the joke."
The blonde, still laughing, replies, "I finally got the first joke!!"
A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.
Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100." The one says to the other, "should we do it??" The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?" The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it." So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?" He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"
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