What's the difference between America and cheese?

If left for a while, cheese develops culture.

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A limbo contestant walks into a bar

He is immediately disqualified

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Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash

I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.

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What does 80 year old vagina taste like?

Depends

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A man receives a phone call from his doctor.....

A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

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I got banned from laser tag today.

Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.

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3d-printers are now making guns.

Pffft, that's nothing!

I've had a Canon printer for years.

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