A boy walks into an ice cream parlor....

The kid strolls up the counter, and the employee asks the lad....

"What flavor would you like?"

He looks over the list of flavors, and after a brief moment he says...

"Chocolate!"

With a sad face, the employee looks down to the boy and says... "I'm sorry, we're all out lf chocolate." The boy seems unfazed by this, and looks at the flavors again, taking even longer, then he says... "I'll have chocolate!" The employee raises an eyebrow and says "I told you, we're all out of Chocolate." The child looks kver the list again, and declares "Chocolate." To which the employee responds, "We're out of Chocolate."

They go through this about five more times, until the employee speaks up. "Say, you're a smart lad, can you spell the 'Straw' in Strawberry?" He spells it out.

"Very good! Now, can you spell the 'Van' in vanilla?" He spells it out.

"Now, can you spell the 'Fuck' in chocolate?"

The child looks confused, and after taking a moment to think states... "There is no 'Fuck' in chocolate."

The employee says "That's right. There's no fuckin' chocolate."

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A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,

It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

Edit: guys it's a joke not a dick don't take it so hard

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I played my wedding video backwards today.

It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

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Is it wrong to hate a specific race

Because I really hate marathons

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Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse

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Donald Trumps ask the Queen of England for Tips

Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you could give me?"

"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here, would you?"

Theresa May walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Theresa May answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.

It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Finally, Pence ran in to Sarah Palin in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Sarah, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Sarah Palin answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!"

Pence then, went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.

It's Sarah Palin!"

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"

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