It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
Thứ Ba, 2 tháng 5, 2017
The Accidental Get Away Driver
The Accidental Get Away Driver
How a Los Angeles man drove right into the center of a daring and dangerous crime.
May 2, 2017 at 12:28AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2pnZ7oY
[NSFW] [LONG] A young boy is walking home...
He passes through a park and hears a couple having sex. The man says “I love your pussy” and the girl says “you have a great dick”.
The curious boy asks them what dicks and pussies are. The man, trying to make up an excuse, says “er….they're others names for men and women”.
The boy continues home and passes a pharmacy which says ‘Condoms for sale inside’. The boy goes in and asks what a condom is. Again, trying to find a euphemism, the clerk says “um….it's a type of hat.”
The boy gets home. As the family is expecting visitors his Mum is putting makeup on. She smudges a bit and says “Shit!” The child asks what that means. Realising her mistake, the Mum hastily says “Oh it's….another name for makeup”.
The boy’s father is cooking a chicken for the guests, and he accidentally burns himself. He shouts “Fuck!” Again the boy asks what that word means. The father says “well…it means to cook”.
Anyway, the guests have arrived and as his parents are busy, the young boy opens the door and says:
“Hello dicks and pussies, let me take your condoms. My Mum is upstairs putting shit all over herself and my Dad is fucking the chicken.”
Not OG!!
A flight crew is landing at an unfamiliar airport.
The control tower gives them a runway assignment, and they start their approach.
The pilot says, "Does that runway look kind of short to you?"
The co-pilot says, "It sure does."
"I thought that it was supposed to be longer than that."
"Me too."
"Better set full flaps."
"Full flaps are set."
"I want thrust reversers the minute we touch."
"Standing by on the thrust reversers."
"And full power once thrust reversers are set."
"Roger that."
"I'm gonna try to catch the end of the runway, and stand on the brakes. Stand by to reverse thrust."
"Roger that."
They touch down, blast the thrust reversers, stomp the brakes, and just manage to get the plane stopped before it runs off into the grass.
The pilot says, "Damn, that was a short runway."
The co-pilot says, "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"
So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo...
...right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.
However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him.
A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lions den.
The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "Shut the fuck up right now or you're going to get us both fired."
Đăng ký:
Nhận xét (Atom)