A tsunami.
Thứ Hai, 8 tháng 5, 2017
My Weekend at a Conference for the Super-Happy
My Weekend at a Conference for the Super-Happy
Americans spend $11 billion a year in pursuit of the blissful happy-ever-after. But what do we really accomplish?
May 8, 2017 at 12:35AM
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A Blonde Woman Asks for a $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?" The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A college professor started to notice that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention.
So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".
Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:
"Dave, is that you?".
A crusty old man walks into a synagogue
A crusty old man walks into a synagogue and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this fucking congregation." The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?' 'Listen up, goddam it. I said I want to join this fucking congregation' 'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated here.' The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the rabbi's study to inform him of her situation. The rabbi agrees that the secretary doesn't have to listen to such profanity. They both return to her office and the rabbi asks the old man, 'Sir, what seems to be the problem here?'
'There is no fucking problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million in the god damn lottery and I want to join this fucking synagogue to get rid of some of this fucking money.' 'I see,' said the rabbi. 'And this fucking bitch is giving you a hard time?
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