I now know why people call me handsome
Thứ Ba, 9 tháng 5, 2017
Hugh the Blacksmith
So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.
One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.
Now the other friars, being devout Christians, are very upset by this, and excommunicate the first friar for playing God.
Distraught, the first friar packs his bags and gets ready to hike down the mountain. Before he leaves, however, he manages to snag a few of the seeds of this favorite flowers, to remind him of the beautiful garden that he cared about so much.
When he arrives at the village at the foot of the mountain, he's welcomed with open arms. He manages to get a shack for himself where he can live somewhat comfortably.
He plants the seeds in a small planter which he hangs in the one tiny window in his shack, above his bed.
One day, as the friar is getting ready for bed, one of his neighbours stops by. "Those are the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen!" he exclaims. "Would you consider selling me a dozen, once they've bloomed?"
The friar hadn't considered that his florist skills could make him a living. Even though he was okay with his small shack, he would appreciate the extra income. He promises his neighbour that he will sell the flowers once they're ready.
After a few months, the friar has made enough money from selling his flowers that he can afford to move out of his shack, and into a nice cottage near the center of town.
After another few months, the friar's flower shop has developed such a following that all the other florists in town had closed their shops. They simply couldn't compete.
The other florists are incredibly upset by this. "Who does he think he is, coming down from that mountain and stealing our business!?" They all get together and decide to ask the friar to close his shop the next morning.
The next day, they go up to the friar's door and give it three swift knocks. The friar comes to the door right away. He invites them in for tea, and they reluctantly agree.
As they have their tea, the friar tells them his life's story. Growing up in the garden, his love for the flowers, and his eventual excommunication. The other florists are so enamoured with this tale that they leave without asking the friar to move out.
They meet again that night, promising that they'll go back the next day, and this time they WILL get the friar to leave.
Once again, they go up to his door and give three swift knocks. The friar opens the door almost immediately. He once again invites them in for tea.
This time, he tells them the greatest fairy tale that they've ever heard, and they once again leave without asking.
Realizing that they were too weak-willed to ask the friar to leave, they decided to ask the town elders to do it for them.
The next morning, the town elders accompany the florists down to the friar's house.
After three swift knocks, the prompt opening of the door, and a few rounds of tea, they once again leave empty-handed.
They meet again that night, truly enraged this time.
"We've tried diplomacy. Three times! We'll have to get this bastard of a friar to leave by force."
The next day, they go to the strongest man in town, Hugh, the blacksmith.
"Hugh, do you think you could get this friar to leave for us? He's causing us so much trouble!"
They walk down to the friar's shop together. Hugh gives the door three swift knocks, and it opens instantly.
With the reflexes of a cat, Hugh grabs the friar by his collar of his shirt, and carries him out of town while the friar yells profanities.
When Hugh returns to town, he's welcomed with thunderous applause.
"How could you do it, Hugh? He was always too charming for us to ask him to leave."
Hugh replies, "Only Hugh can stop florist friars."
A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.
Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.
All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.
The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”
“I have plenty of confidence in my students. Knowing them, I for a fact can assure you this piece of shit plane will never even start”
The Long, Hard, Unprecedented Fall of Sears
The Long, Hard, Unprecedented Fall of Sears
In 1989, Sears Roebuck & Co. ruled America as its biggest retailer. It loomed over rivals from a perch high above Chicago, inside what was once the world's tallest building — one bearing the company's name. It's been all downhill from there.
May 8, 2017 at 11:13PM
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Failed joke at work
Customer: do you have any more of the bing cherries in the back?
Me: I don't think so but we might have some Google cherries.
Customer: are you done being an asshole?
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