I was blessed with a 9 inch penis (NSFW)

That priest is in jail now

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For sale:

Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

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Three men were drinking at a bar

(This is my best effort to translate this joke to English)

The first guy tells the others, "You wouldn't believe what a fool I made of myself last night!
We were having a family dinner and I wanted to ask my mother in law if she wanted me to refill her CUP, but instead I said "Would you like me to refill your CUNT?"

The three of them laughed and then the second guy goes, "Same thing happened to me too!
We also had a family dinner last night. I wanted to ask my daughter if I can taste the PUDDING that she made, but it came out as "Can I have a taste of your PUSSY?".

More laughing ensued when the third guy says "That's nothing! We had a big dinner yesterday. Almost my entire extended family was there. We were all sitting at the big table, and just a few minutes after we started eating I wanted to ask my wife if she can pass me the SALT, but instead I stuttered and said "YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU FUCKING WHORE!".

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When does a joke turn into a dad joke?

When he leaves you and never comes back.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and Denominator

Only a fraction of people understand that joke.

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I used to steal Mitch Hedberg's jokes

I still do, but I used to too.

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Celibacy or .....

Before being ordained 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks. Anyone whose bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved fanny danced before each one. 1st priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached last priest Ralph. Poor Ralph. While she danced he got a stiffy & his bell rang & flew off across the room. Embarrassed he ran & bent to pick it up, then all the f*cking bells rang!

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