A Spanish walked into a department store....

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!".
"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go hunting

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all went out camping and hunting together. After setting up camp the brunette left to go hunt. 24 hours later the brunette came back with a deer. The others were in awe of the brunette and asked, "How did you do it?"

The brunette replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the deer."

The next day the redhead went out and returned 48 hours later with a bear. The blonde and brunette were in complete awe and asked, "How did you do it?"

The redhead replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the bear."

The next day the blonde went out and returned three days later completely broken, bruised, and bloody. The brunette and redhead were shocked and horrified asking, "What happened!?"

The blonde replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, got hit by a train."

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I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.

Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

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A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim.

Of course they're swimming naked as you do. All of a sudden, two busses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbis congregation and out of the other pours the priests congregation. Their clothes are on the other side of the lake so they don't have time to retrieve them, they just have to make a run for it. The priest, running with his hands covering his genitals looks over at the rabbi and sees him running with his hands over his face. He says, "rabbi! What are you doing!" The rabbi says, "in my community, they recognise me by my face."

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So God is nearly done creating Adam and Eve

And he looks to the bottom of the bag of attributes and sees there are only two left, so he decides to let the newly created humans choose who will get what.

God pulls out the first one and announces "the ability to stand while peeing". Adam jumps up excitedly and screams, "Yes! That one is for me! I could do so many things! Write my name in the snow, pee off of tall buildings, make ants go swimming. That's awesome!"

God says, "Well then, man shall have the ability to pee standing up... now let's see what is left. Ah! Multiple orgasms!"

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What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt.

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If a blind woman tells you your penis is big

she's probably just pulling your leg

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