Tomorrow isn't just mother's day

It's son-day as well

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A priest, a rapist and a paedophile walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

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How 'Twin Peaks' Invented Modern Television

How 'Twin Peaks' Invented Modern Television
Without "Twin Peaks," half your favorite shows wouldn’t exist.

May 14, 2017 at 05:32AM
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I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.

Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey

He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

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Today I finally took the decision to ground one of my children for the first time

I hope that stops them from electrocuting themselves

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I like my women like I like my coffee

I've never had coffee but it smells really nice

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