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Thứ Ba, 16 tháng 5, 2017

A blonde and a lawyer on a long flight

A blonde is sitting next to a lawyer on a long flight. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer keeps waking her up. "Let's have a quiz," the lawyer suggests. "If I answer wrong, I'll pay you fifty euros. If you answer wrong, you pay me five."

The blonde agrees.

The lawyer goes first: "What's the distance between Earth and the Moon?"

The blonde hands the lawyer a five euros. Now it's her turn to ask: "What climbs a mountain with four legs and comes down with three?"

The lawyer is stumped. He tries to look for an answer on the internet and texts every scientist he knows, but can't come up with an answer. After several hours, he wakes the blonde up, gives her fifty euros and asks "What's the right answer?"

Without saying a word the blonde gives him a five euros and falls back to sleep.

A woman threatens her boyfriend

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

  • "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

  • "But we don't have any child !" eructs the woman.

  • "Wait, what ? You're not 8 month pregnant ?"

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there

he said he couldn't complain.

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Her Dad: "Whatever you do to her, I do to you."

Me: "... So you're gonna lick my butthole later?"