One turns to the other and says: "I think we got this joke wrong".
Thứ Năm, 25 tháng 5, 2017
The South American Cocksucking Iguana
A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.
After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will make her happy,
He stops and goes in to the store. He wanders around looking at all the different animals. He looks at the fish, the birds, the puppies and kittens. Eventually he reaches the lizards. In the corner of the room is a tank labelled with a sign that says only "South American Cocksucking Iguana". He looks hard at the lizard but can't see anything unusual about it.
He goes to the shopkeeper and asks what the deal is with the iguana. Shopkeeper says, "I'll tell you what. Take it in to the bathroom for five minutes and see for yourself."
The man is skeptical and a little weirded out, but figures what the hell? Why not? He takes the lizard in to the bathroom. Five minutes later he emerges with the lizard and a giant smile on his face.
"Holy shit, how much is this thing?" the man asks the shopkeep.
"Two thousand," comes the reply.
"Done," says the man with no hesitation.
He puts the iguana in its tank and packs it carefully in to his car. He drives home and parks in the driveway. As he's walking up the front walk to his house, his wife comes to the door.
"What the fuck is that?" she asks.
"It's a South American Cocksucking Iguana!" the man replies.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"
The man laughs and says, "Nothing! Get the fuck out of my house!"
The Worst Mother In Law Ever
My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard.
When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them un-chaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.
Because I didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.
"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again."
My wife told me to get dick pills
She told me to get those pills that make your dick standup.
Man was she surprised when I came back from the pharmacy with diet pills
Pls help, I'm locked out of my house
Big pussy
A woman walks into a bar, stands on a chair and shouts:
"Fellas! My pussy is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take."
A big dude gets up and takes off his size 16 work boots and shoves them into her pussy. The boots are sucked right in. He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in. He puts his face in between her legs to get a better look and he gets sucked in. Inside he hears noises.
"Is someone else in here?" he asks.
"Yeah, I've been in here for a week," the voice says.
"Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here," the big guy says.
"Hell," says the other man, "help me find my keys and we can drive out."
The Sex Worker Putting Herself Through Law School
The Sex Worker Putting Herself Through Law School
“It’s a lot more than a transaction of sex or a lap dance. People are also paying to feel a certain way, they’re paying to feel powerful, they’re paying to feel like their boss.”
May 24, 2017 at 10:05AM
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