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Thứ Sáu, 26 tháng 5, 2017

I almost told myself I was going to stop drinking

But I'm not about to start listening to some damn alcoholic.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Insufficient lubrication.

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.

John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.

Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

A penguin broke down in Las Vegas.

A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot so he asked the mechanic where he could cool down.

The mechanic reply "there is an ice cream parlor a few blocks up the street" so the penguin thanked him and waddled up to the parlor. When he got there he ordered the biggest cup of vanilla ice cream they had.

After awhile of enjoying his ice cream he started to head back to the mechanic. When he got back the mechanic said "Hey it looks like you blew a seal" then the penguin shouted "No no! It's just vanilla ice cream!"

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Somebody stole my mood ring

I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

Is This A Video Of Trump Pushing The PM Of Montenegro Out Of The Way? 


Is This A Video Of Trump Pushing The PM Of Montenegro Out Of The Way? 
​While he's spent much of the NATO summit in Brussels in a handshake war with French President Emmanuel Macron, President Trump drew the attention of Twitter with another potentially less-than-friendly maneuver.

May 26, 2017 at 05:09AM
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