What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum?

Dyson.

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[NSFW] Whenever I have sex, it's a race to see who comes first

Me or the police.

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If you ever stick your dick inside a peanut butter jar...

You're fucking nuts

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Manliest man ever contest

Three men joined the Manliest Man Ever contest, the one who passed 3 rooms will get the award: - First room: 10 barrels of best wine - Second room: 10 times with a very hot model - Third room: 10 hours with a tiger.

The first guy goes with the girl room, and after 8 times, he quit. The second guy goes with the tiger, and after 8 hours, he quit.

The last guy said "f**k the contest, I will try the wine first", the he goes to the first room. After 10 barrels, he somehow managed to go to the tiger room. 10 hours later, he came out, and said

"Hell of a night man. Now, show me the tiger room"

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He was never good with numbers

During the presidential briefing this morning, Trump was informed that 3 Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Trump's face, then he collapsed into his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and cried, "Just exactly how many is a Brazilian"?

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China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor the women are extra fertile.

But their condoms are "Made in China"

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What's the difference between an Australian and a pot of yogurt?

Leave a pot of yogurt in the sun for 200 years and it develops a culture.

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