Hey check out my foreskin

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I killed four people by looking them yesterday.

Edit: Sorry, sawing. English is not my native language.

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What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus?

With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

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Inside The Cut-Throat World Of Toddler Bike Racing

Inside The Cut-Throat World Of Toddler Bike Racing
As our writer cheered on his three-year-old at the Strider Cup in Texas — a merciless race replete with tears, anxiety, and elation — he had one question: Is intense competition good for the tiniest of competitors?

June 2, 2017 at 12:45AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2rg0jf3

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What do Donald Trump and his father have in common?

They both have shitty judgment when it comes to pulling out.

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At the gates of heaven

3 men are at the gates of Heaven, Peter says, "It's getting pretty full in here, so the one with the worst story of how he died will get in." The first guy starts he says, " I was doing naked yoga on my balcony, I live on the 27th floor, and I slipped over the balcony, I only fell 1 floor down and caught the balcony floor of the floor below me, this crazy guy came out and started yelling at me and stomped on my hands till I fell, luckily I fell into a huge bush on the main floor that cushioned my fall, I look up and see a fridge falling, and it crushed me" The second guy starts "I came home early for lunch, I just knew my wife was cheating, I take the elevator up, and burst into the bedroom and see men's clothes on the floor and wife naked in the bed, where is he? I screamed WHERE IS HE?!?!? I looked all around the place and found the bastard hanging on my balcony, i stomped on his finger till he fell, he landed in a bush, I unplugged the fridge and threw it down on him, after i realized I killed him, i felt terrible, pulled out my gun, and shot myself. The third guy says "OK, so have you ever been naked in a refrigerator?"

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A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date

A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.

The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to see the show. Is she ready to go?"

The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.

The second man to show up says, "Hello, I'm Eddy. I'm looking for Betty. We're gonna go eat some spaghetti. Is she ready?"

The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.

The third man rings the doorbell says, "Hey, my name's Chuck."

And the farmer shot him.

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