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Chủ Nhật, 4 tháng 6, 2017

How do mermaids give birth?

A sea section.

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator.

He looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The white guy faints and falls to the floor.

The black guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the white guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me? "

The black guy says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.

I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 15 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."

The white guy says, "oh thank God, I thought you said turn around."

Why did Hitler kill him self?

He saw his gas bill.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.

So the doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

Why don't helicopters fly in the morning?

Twirly.