My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims…

"Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!"

The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me.

So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

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An Englishman comes to Harvard.

Unable to find out the way to the library, he approaches an undergrad. The subsequent conversation is as follows-

Englishman: Excuse me. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at?

Undergrad: It’s Harvard. People don’t end sentences with a preposition here.

Englishman: Oh, I see. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at, asshole?

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A girl walks out of a bar...

She's approached by two guys. They tell her to climb a tree, and they'll give her $5. She does it, then goes home to tell her roommate. Her roommate says "They only did it to see your underwear." The next day, the girl goes to the same bar. Again, the two guys ask her to climb the tree for $5. AGAIN, she does it. She goes home to show her roommate the 5$. Unimpressed the roommate says "they tricked you again!?." The girl says "NO, I tricked them, I wasn't wearing any underwear!"

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I won't control what you do on the internet

but Theresa May

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What's the difference between a refugee and E.T.?

E.T. could speak English and wanted to go home.

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my dog is training to be a blacksmith

every now and then he'll make a bolt for the door

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A total naked woman rushed in a taxi. The taxi driver turned back and stared at her so keenly. The woman asked the taxi driver, "Why are you staring at me that way, haven't you ever seen a naked woman?"

The taxi driver replied, "No, I just wonder where you have my money."

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