I went for a run , but came home back after 2 minutes because I forgot something

I forgot that I was fat and couldn't run for more than 2 minutes.

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George was having breakfast when Mildred walked in, dropped her robe, and sat naked at the table.

She leaned forward on her elbows towards George, her chin resting playfully on the back of her right hand as her left hand played with his tie.

"You know," purred Mildred, "I still have urges. I still want you, physically. In fact, even after 60 years of marriage, my tits are getting all hot just thinking about your hands exploring them."

"I'm not surprised," replied George, "one of them is in my porridge and the other one is in my coffee."

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A limbo champion walks into a bar

He's disqualified.

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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I once dated a dental hygienist

She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.

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First Interview With Alex Honnold, Climber Who Scaled El Capitan Without a Rope

First Interview With Alex Honnold, Climber Who Scaled El Capitan Without a Rope
Honnold reveals how he accomplished the greatest feat of rock climbing in history.

June 5, 2017 at 09:18PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2svHJho

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Today I saw this absolutely stunning color that I've never seen before! It was indescribable, but when I blinked, it disappeared.

I guess it was just a pigment of my imagination.

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