Pinocchio: yep.
Chủ Nhật, 11 tháng 6, 2017
An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...
They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.
When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' at their new possessions, the old man asked Peter how much all of this was going to cost. "It's all free," Peter replied. "We are in heaven, after all."
Next they surveyed the lush championship golf course behind their home, where they were entitled to play everyday.
Of course, all the old man wanted to know, was: "How much are the green fees?"
"It's free!" came the reply.
Next, they went to the club house, and saw the lavish buffet on offer, with all of the world's different cuisines on offer, every meal cooked to perfection.
"How much do we have to pay for two?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand, yet?!" Peter replied, exasperated. "It's all free, you're in heaven!"
"Well, where are the low fat and cholesterol tables then? The food won't have too many calories, will it?" the old man asked, looking quite worried.
"That's the best part of heaven," Saint Peter said, excitedly. "You can eat as much of whatever you want, and you won't gain a single gram!"
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it wildly. His wife and Peter tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife. "This is all your fault!" he screamed! "If it weren't for you and your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...
The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"
"Africa!", says the parrot.
There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female…
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
First visit to a brothel (NSFW)
After several years of loneliness a man visits a brothel. He speaks with the madame at the front desk and he says, "It's been years since I've had sex, and I've never been to a place like this before. What can I get for twenty bucks?"
"Hmmm..." says the mistress, "twenty won't get you much in most places, but I suppose I can let you have the surprise room, just this once."
"What's the surprise room?" asked the man.
She smiled back at him, "Well mister, I can tell you can I? It wouldn't be a surprise. It's something a little different each time."
He agreed and she showed him to a room down the hall. He walked in to a room with mirrors everywhere. Mirrors on the walls, the floor, the ceiling, even on the back of the door. In the center of the room was a large cushioned box, covered in red velvet.
He walked over and opened the box, only to find a chicken. At this point, he was still quite horny, and it had been a while... So he figures 'What the Hell" and makes love to the chicken.
On the way out he thanks the mistress who asks him, "How was it?" He says, "It wasn't bad, but definitely different. I'll be back next week with more money."
A week later the man returns with $40 and once again asks, "What can I get for forty bucks?"
She smiles at him, "Well, do you like to watch?"
"Oh hell yes. I love to watch!" He blurts out.
"Great, you can have the voyeur room." she beams, and off she leads him down another hall to a door.
He walks into a room with two rows of chairs facing a curtain. There's another man already in the front row towards the left, so he takes a seat in the back row to the right. Several minutes pass, and the lights slowly fade out. Then the curtain opens to reveal a man, having sex with two beautiful women.
The man, excitedly says, "Wow! This is a great show. Definitely worth the money!"
"Yeah?" says the other guy, "You should have been here last week. There was a man fucking a chicken."
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