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Thứ Tư, 14 tháng 6, 2017

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth...

In the piece, there’s about a 20 min long passage during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double bassists are pone to do), one of them looked at his watch, “Hey! We need to get back!”

“No need to panic,” said a fellow bassist. “I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string. I’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled.”

A few minutes later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her date.

“Well, of course,” said her date. “Don’t you see? It’s the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded.”

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman...

He orders a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, the young woman asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, an old couple sits down on the other side of the cowboy. After they've had a pint or two, the husband asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replies, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

How do you weigh a chilli pepper?

Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Should the world eat more like the Cantonese?


Should the world eat more like the Cantonese?
Hong Kong is a rabbit’s warren of eateries offering all manner of dishes — some of them not for the faint-hearted. But could this adventurous eating actually be good for us?

June 13, 2017 at 08:17AM
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Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them...

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

I got a new car for my wife!

Best trade I ever made.

I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am.