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Thứ Sáu, 16 tháng 6, 2017

A Dog and a Leopard

A man decided to go on a safari. He took his faithful dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the dog discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, “Oh boy, I’m in deep stuff now.” Then he notices some bones lying nearby on the ground and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, “That was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew”, says the leopard. “That was close. That dog nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.

So off he goes. But the dog sees him heading off after the leopard and figures that something is amiss. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans about the dog’s ruse and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Hop on my back, monkey, and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine. “Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “Oh boy, it looks like I’ve really had it now.”

But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to the leopard and the monkey and pretends that he hasn’t seen them. And just when they get close enough to hear him, the dog says… “Where is that monkey? .. I sent him off an hour ago to get me another leopard and he’s still not back.”

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub

So I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink...

When a buff guy walks in staring down the entire bar. He walks up to me, grabs my drink and downs it. He slams the glass back onto the table so hard I thought it was gonna break . I looked in disbelief and he asks "What are you gonna do about it bitch?"

I start crying from being so intimidated and he says "Stop crying you pussy. I can't stand to see a grown man cry."

"This is the worst day of my life" I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the car park, my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I left my wallet in the taxi I took home. I found my girlfriend in bed with my best friend and my dog attacked me.

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to end it all. I buy a drink, drop some rat poison in it and wait for it to fully dissolve. Then you show up and down the whole thing anyway."

"Enough about me. How's your day going?"

Stone and birds...

There was a native American once named 'One Stone' because he was born with one testicle. He hated his name. He proclaimed if anyone ever called him that again, he would take their life.

One day a young woman named 'Bluebird' forgot and called him '1 stone'. He made love to her until she died from exhaustion.

Years passed an no one called him that again. Until one day 'Yellowbird' returned to the village and let it slip. He made love to her for 5 days and she would not die.

He was perplexed.

When he went to his chief to inquire, the chief replied "Don't be silly. Everyone knows you can't kill two birds with one stone"

How do you draw a circle? We analyzed 100,000 drawings to show how culture shapes our instincts


How do you draw a circle? We analyzed 100,000 drawings to show how culture shapes our instincts
Did you start at the top or bottom? Clockwise or counterclockwise? New data show that the way you draw a circle holds clues about where you come from.

June 15, 2017 at 09:53PM
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May Sound like a Joke to Some

Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor... Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.

Next day wen he gets up he expects her to be really angry wid him.... He prays that they should not have a fight.. He finds a note near the table...

"Honey..your favorite breakfast is ready on the table, i had to leave early to buy grocery... i will come running back to you, my love. I love you. ...

He gets surprised and asks his son.., 'what happened last night..?

Son told...,"

when mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt.. you were dead drunk and you said......

" Hey Lady ! Leave Me Alone... I M Married !!!

Jesus at the Last Supper...

breaks bread

This is my body.

pours wine

This is my blood.

opens jar of mayo

Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there