Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own funeral.
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.
Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 7, 2017
Winamp’s woes: How the greatest MP3 player undid itself
Winamp’s woes: How the greatest MP3 player undid itself
MP3s are so natural to the Internet now that it's almost hard to imagine a time before high-quality compressed music. But there was such a time.
July 4, 2017 at 08:23PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2uFTKkN
Two gay guys are on a plane
Two gay guys are on a plane.
"Dude, what if we had sex?" asks the first one.
"You crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..." says the second one
"Man, nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!"
He stands up and asks loudly "Does anyone have a pencil?"
Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is busy or just not paying attention.
"They really wouldn't care then, would they?"
So the two have wild sex on the plane.
Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and everyone are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth.
"Sir, you should've asked for a bag!"
"I didn't dare" whispers the old man.
"A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a pencil and he got fucked in the ass..."
A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class...
She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."
Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."
Bob thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen," Bob replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Bob asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Bob clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Bob said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his ol lady shout:
"Bob, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the bed!"
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, when...
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well," explained the husband, "it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule." "We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead." "I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'Thats once.'"
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