My tongue slipped when I was asking my wife to "pass the milk, honey" when we had breakfast yesterday

I accidentally said: "Fuck you Helen you ruined my fucking life"

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Dr. Seth had sex with one of his patients...

He felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Seth, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Seth."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Seth..... Seth..... Seth, You're a fucking vet!"

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If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter

Then does that mean that black lies matter?

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Joke my 8 year old made up: " How do you make two C's out of one C?"

You have to use a C-Saw!

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Today I celebrated my 62nd birthday.

It was only a minute long.

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How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?

You can't. There's no orientation in space.

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A man called the hotel manager...

He said "Come up quickly, I fought with my wife and now she wants to throw herself out the window!". The manager replied "Sir this is a personal matter and we can't get involved. I can call sec..." The man interrupted "No! This is a maintenance issue. The window won't open!".

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