Poor bastard.
Thứ Sáu, 14 tháng 7, 2017
My girlfriend takes sex far too seriously.
I was shagging her from behind the other night and started slapping her on the ass screaming, "Who's your daddy, who's your daddy!"
"Fuck off" she replied, "You know who our daddy is."
Jack and Jill went up the hill...
Jack and Jill went up the hill
So Jack could lick her candy.
But he got a shock
With a mouth full of cock
'Cause Jill's real name was Randy.
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break this ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
A child prodigy
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in 4th grade. I am smarter than my sister and she's in grade 4".
The teacher had heard enough and took the boy to the principal's office. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from grade 4.
Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12.
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the teacher to send the boy to the 4th grade immediately. The teacher decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
Teacher: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2? Boy: Legs.
Teacher: What is in your trousers that I don't have? Boy: Pockets.
Teacher: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut.
Teacher: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
Boy: Bubble gum.
Teacher: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent.
The principal was looking restless
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?. Boy: Wedding ring.
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose.
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow.
Principal: O MY GOD.
Teacher: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand? Boy: Fork.
Teacher: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname.
Principal: oh no!!
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart.
Principal: Uhhhhhhh.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this boy to the university...Even I got all the answers wrong!"
Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom...
He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life". Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind. Dad screams. Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"
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