What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.

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Two Students from Asia Came to My High School...

They were twins, a guy, Ving, and a girl, Ling. Ving is in my math class, and the dude's like a math wiz. I'm really struggling, so I ask Ving if he'd give me a hand on the homework. Ving says yeah, he just wants me to do him a favor. I'm like yeah sure what. He asks me to drive him to the city hall after school. He says he wants to change his name to something more American.

I'm like cool cool, so after school I'm driving Ling and Ving to the city hall, and Ling is totally giving Ving the cold shoulder. I'm like what's the deal and Ving explains that his name has been passed down for generations, and Ling is totally pissed that he'd disrespect his ancestry by changing it.

So then we get to the city hall and wait in line for a super long time. Finally it's our turn and Ving tells me he's picked "Lee" as his American name. He steps up to the desk and starts filling out some paperwork, and the whole time Ling is scolding him about the ancestry shit, blah blah.

Then it's time for Ving to sign his name and seal the deal, but suddenly his eyes well up with tears and he says that he can't do it. Shittttt man, that ancestry shit runs deeeep. The lady at the desk is like ok, but Ving has to pay a small fee to cancel his request. Argh, stupid small town laws. Ling groans as she opens up her purse and starts sifting around for cash.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, some Asian guy bursts through the town hall doors.

"DAD!" Ling and Ving exclaim. He looked at them and cried,

"Don't stop! Be Lee, Ving. Hold on to that fee, Ling!"

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why did god create man before he created woman?

because he didn't want any advice on how to do it

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I watched a really weird porno the other day.

It was just a fat white man sitting in a darkened room, crying and wanking at the same time for an hour. Then I realised the TV wasn't switched on yet.

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French Marching Band Plays Daft Punk Medley, And Trump Is Not Amused

French Marching Band Plays Daft Punk Medley, And Trump Is Not Amused
As part of Bastille Day celebrations, the French military marching band played a Daft Punk medley for President Macron and President Trump. Their reactions tell very different stories.

July 14, 2017 at 11:36PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2umMWf5

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Today I donated a watch, a phone and $500 to a poor guy.

You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his knife back in his pocket!

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I call my car the 'Pussy Wagon'

Because that's where I go to cry.

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