A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to the station and we'll do a blood test."

"I can't do that either, I'm a hemophiliac. Any puncture will end up bleeding for hours then I'll pass out."

"Okay, then step out of the car and we'll do a standard field sobriety tes-"

"Sorry, but I have a slight vitamin b12 deficiency, so I naturally shake while doing basic tasks, so the tests would be inconclusive."

"Well then just walk along in a straight line."

"I can't do that either"

"Why?"

"Because I'm drunk."

Read More

How to use “and” 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called “This And That” and hired another man to make a sign for it.

When it was finished the owner inspected the work.

He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, “The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it”

Read More

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

But when hitler does it everyone loses their mind

Read More

Why can't dyslexic people tell jokes?

Because they always punch up the fuckline

Read More

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

Read More

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital...

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan."

Read More

I'm a scientist studying the effects of beastiality between humans and dogs.

If you want to speak with me I'll be in my lab.

Read More