A woman must walk 5 paces behind...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.

She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"

The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."

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A boy has sex with his teacher

When he gets home from school, his mother asks him,

"What did you do today in school?"

The child replies,

"I had sex with the teacher."

Furious, the mother scolds the boy and makes him go to his room.

"Wait until you're father gets here!" she exclaims.

An hour later, the father arrives home. Immediately he is informed of what his son did at school today by the mom. But instead of being outraged like his wife had been, the father praises his son.

"Son, you're growing into a real man. I think it's time to get you a bike."

So, the two go out and get the bike, and when they come home, the father asks,

"Son, do you want to try the bike now?"

"Not right now. My butt still hurts."

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The penguin joke (my favorite joke)

One day a Cop pulls a van over and when he walks up to the window he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man "are those your penguins?"

The man Says "yes, they are my pets."

The cop replies to the man "You need to take them to the zoo right now."

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day the cop pulls over the same van and he walks up to the window and sees the ten pengins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man "I thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man says "I did, today we are going to the beach!"

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What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter

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The only idea that flat-earthers fear

is sphere itself.

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"

Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye."

"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"

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