Me: When i donate blood i do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me

Receptionist: Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way.

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A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."

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What's the difference between a calorie and a dick?

Your mom can tell you how many calories she eats per day.

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"Give it to me now!" she yelled "I'm so wet!"

She can scream all she wants...I'm not giving her the fucking umbrella

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You hear about the transgender in the military?

[removed]

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My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I’ve slept with.

“Eleven,” I replied.

“Wow! You must be a player,” she laughed.

“No,” I said, “I’m their coach.”

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