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Thứ Sáu, 11 tháng 8, 2017

The Day My Hasidic Father Visited Me at Wellesley


The Day My Hasidic Father Visited Me at Wellesley
Goldy Landau grew up in an insular Ultra-Orthodox community in upstate New York, which she eventually left to attend Wellesley. She writes about the day her father visited her on campus.

August 11, 2017 at 12:43AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/2wxrVwK

75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house.

90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.

My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old.

Until I showed it to her in the freezer.

While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...

It must have been the delivery.

edit:

  • I meant to note that I originally posted this as a comment in another joke, but thought I'd try it as a stand-alone joke

  • This is literally a true story. She gave birth to an amazing little girl on Tuesday evening.

I once thanked a French guy to death

It was a merci killing

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Thứ Năm, 10 tháng 8, 2017

A cat walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "what'll you have?" The cat says, "A shot of rum." The bartender pours the cat his drink. The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table. "Another."