After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife.

She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!"

I said, "That's the point."

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There’s a big difference between a boy or a girl saying

“I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted”

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Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office

Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

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#2020

In the year 2020 we're going to have a lot of bad puns about vision.

I can't wait to see them all.

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What shoes does a rapist wear?

White vans.

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I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket

Daniel I'm sick of this bucket

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...

...then my illegal logging business is a success.

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